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THE ESSENCE OF RESILIENCE (and don't we need it now - in spades!)…

Resilience seems to be a 'buzz word' at present. That sought after ability to access a deep inner strength in the face of adversity, to have the resources to 'bounce back' from set backs, these seem to be more and more important as we face multiple challenges as individuals and as a species. Some people have a built in advantage or predisposition where resilience is concerned and others need to work very hard to consciously build it. Either way, we all have massive systemic challenges to face as a whole planet (think economic crisis and the mind sets and attitudes that created it, climate change, the 'war' mindset, terrorism.), we have unimaginable suffering occurring for individuals and communities everywhere (think wars, bush fires, plane crashes, floods..), not to mention the heart wrenching suffering of other creatures affected by these things too. This may sound a bit doom and gloomy but if we can 'accept what is' and face it head (and heart) on, there is much opportunity for positive growth and transformation.

One definition of resilience is "the ability to thrive, mature, and increase competence in the face of adverse circumstances" (Gordon 1995). One implication here is that 'adverse circumstances' are needed in order to grow resilience - we don't learn how to 'get back up' if we don't have occasion to stumble. This is certainly my own experience and we are certainly not short of adverse circumstances just now! So how can we consciously foster the personal resilience we need now and going forward?

Some practical and very 'doable' things I have found most useful are: (in no particular order)

  • Seek a higher perspective from the perceived problem or challenge - ie: cultivate 'helicopter consciousness' - lift your sights so you can see a bigger picture. Just as we seek higher ground when there is a flood, look for ways to view what's happening that help rather than hinder - this is very important for maintaining mental and emotional heath and making wise decisions.

  • With that higher view, understand that crisis is an evolutionary driver - seek what is emerging that is life affirming and choose to go with that flow instead of holding onto past patterns.the cheese has been moved so be prepared to be flexible and let go of how things have always been. Learn to embrace change and make it your friend..after all, it's the only constant!

  • Pay attention to the things you can do something about. You will feel more productive and less impotent. eg: you may not be in control of your circumstances in some areas but you can choose your attitude and state of mind, behaviour towards others etc.

  • Practice gratitude - count your blessings - as many times a day as you think to, but especially at night and in the mornings. This will help you feel better even when things are looking grim (and practicing gratitude keeps you healthy according to the latest scientific research - even as we intuitively know this anyway!)

  • Seek and cultivate insight about yourself and your patterns of thinking and behaviour - tell yourself the truth about how you feel and explore what is driving you. Remember, "Inner first, outer follows".

  • Keep your sense of humour intact - learn to see the funny side and 'wear your disasters with flair!" If you find yourself taking yourself too seriously - find ways to lighten up. When did you last have a really good laugh?

  • Notice when you are giving yourself a hard time and practice positive 'self talk'. Yes we all have our flaws, but they are part of the composite of who we are so stay committed to being on your own team . Back yourself. Self belief is a cornerstone of resilience - when you lose contact with it, seek help to find it again - a compassionate ear can really help!

  • Indulge in small treats for yourself - be very very good and kind to yourself, especially if you are feeling fearful of the future. You deserve reassurance so give that gift to yourself and share it with others - this practice doesn't even need to cost a cent if you let your creative juices flow.

  • No matter what, stick with what you know is in the highest integrity with your own meaningful purpose.

  • Cultivate flexibility - whenever we can't see a way through, there is always a solution just waiting in the wings to be discovered.

  • Practice generosity with others. As emotions run high in times that provoke fear, give of yourself even more and don't take anything personally. Demonstrate 'what works' in tough times and share as much as you can.

  • Keep connected. One of things that can bring us down is the feeling of isolation. Build and maintain safe relationships that uplift you.

  • Walk. Walking is one of the best physical affirmations of moving forward there is. As you walk, affirm to yourself "With every step I take I am moving forward in my life towards more and more wellbeing" or whatever resonates with you.

  • Pause and consciously breathe. Bring yourself into the present moment if you are fearing for the future - it isn't here so there is nothing you can do with it. Deal with what is in front of your nose. Fear is the great partner of procrastination - don't let it get a grip on you or you will stop taking action.

  • Sleep .  Make sure you give yourself at least a few nights a week where you get off to sleep by 10pm so you can catch the best waves of deep rest.  Sleep issues undermine resilience and our ability to effectively deal with stressful situations.  Power naps during the day (10-20mins) can also be really helpful, especially during the mid afternoon slump in energy many people feel.

  • Meditate. If you have lapsed your practice, start up again. If you don't know how to meditate there will be courses you can do for free in your area - get Googling. At the very least you can practice sitting for about 20 minutes a day just focusing on noticing your breath going in and out. Meditation gives your system a profound range of benefits and is still the best stress management strategy I know. (feel free to get in touch if you want some pointers).

When each individual in a family or team or organisation takes responsibility for building their own resilience, the resilience of the whole is enhanced. Creative solutions can flow more easily. Collaboration becomes the norm. Relationships are enhanced. More value is added to the mix. May your own resilience be ever present as you continue to maintain it, share the benefits with others and reap the rewards!

Amanda Fleming
p: +64 21 357753
e: info@amandafleming.co.nz
a: PO Box 56064
Dominion Road
Mt Eden
AUCKLAND